Google searching your own name: Visiting Ground Zero
(As published originally on Medium)
Ground Zero in NYC.
When I was 11, I googled my own name to see who else had the same name as me. The most prominent results were for a “Justin Zhao” who graduated from the City University of New York. Justin worked as a computer technician for Aon in New York City. Justin died on September 11, 2001. He was a victim of 9/11.
Seeing such misfortune as the top search result for my own name sharpened my ambition to become more well known. I didn’t want people to Google my name and be reminded of a tragedy that killed thousands of people. In the years that followed, I leaned into my interests in music, computer science, and engineering. I won awards, created social media, and posted YouTube videos. Gradually, content about me became the top search results for my own name, and the other Justin Zhao from my youth felt like little more than a distant memory.
At 22, I graduated from Columbia University and started working as a software engineer in New York City. The New World Trade Center had finished construction and I decided to check it out. As I walked towards the triangular skyscraper, I was surprised to find two massive square craters with names carved into the stone borders. I eavesdropped on a tour guide nearby who explained that the pools are actually memorials built on the same footprint of the Twin Towers, and the names around the pools are of the people who died on 9/11.
I instantly remembered the “Justin Zhao” I discovered in my adolescence, and I felt a wave of excitement that his name might be engraved somewhere nearby.
As I walked around, I noticed folks sitting on benches, checking their phone, casually enjoying a bite to eat. Around them was a steady stream of stereotypical New Yorkers briskly pacing through the park without a minute to waste. Scattered throughout were tourists — families and kids taking pictures, marveling at the architectural spectacle. It was all very consistent with the diversity, energy, and hullabaloo of New York City.
Finally, there were those who stood closer to the pools, who moved more slowly than everyone around them, looking on with heavier hearts. Some of them would touch or underline an engraved name with their hand, or place flowers. I was touched that even on the most ordinary day, there were many who had come to cherish their loved ones who passed more than a decade ago. At the eastern edge of the North Pool, one family sobbed quietly. Perhaps they were remembering a lost parent, a relative, or a friend. The light drizzle masked their tears. My heart goes out to them.
The showers became rain. I considered resuming my search another day, but then I found it — “Justin Zhao”, engraved on the southeast corner of the South Pool. Seeing my own name memorialized in front of me was surreal. I stood there drenched.
Articles of Justin Zhao from 9/11 can still be found, but they are a few pages of search results deep. According to a New York Times archive, Justin is survived by his brother Jimmy.
Face to face, I contemplated our similarities. We were both named “Justin Zhao”. We were both raised in Chinese families; we both studied and worked in New York, and in technical roles. I recently turned 26, which is the same age he was when he passed away.
In myself, I recognize the enthusiasm I have for the path ahead of me, and the privilege of dreaming of who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. There’s so much food I want to eat, music to play, experiments to try, places to see, books to read, people to meet, and time to spend with people I love. This makes me feel tremendous sadness for Justin and the other victims, who may have felt the same, but whose lives were cut short.
If I’m ever in the area with time to spare, I will go to the Ground Zero Memorial to find Justin. Sometimes I’ll pull up the latest search results for our name on Google to check out what some of the other Justin Zhao’s have been up to. Recently, there’s a high school basketball star and a Chinese actor. I wonder if they know about 9/11 Justin Zhao.
I reflect on the fleeting lives that we all live. I admire the unique and complex paths we forge for ourselves, and the deep and peculiar connections we share as a human species through living, loving, and ultimately dying, on this Earth. A simple coincidence of having the same name and an internet-powered search engine has woven Justin’s story into my own. I use Justin to remind myself of the weight of tragic events like 9/11, the consequences of terrorism, and the tough challenges that lie ahead for our world. But our story is also about appreciation, sympathy, and shared humanity.
With the time that we have, may we hope and work for a better world.
Jie Yao Justin Zhao’s name engraved on the South Pool. Rest in peace.